Dear Internet Geek

I have fans.

I have people that I begged, blackmailed, or otherwise bothered into reading my blog and I’m happy to say that so far the report has been favorable. On that other forum I talked about in my last entry (Red Vs Blue), I’ve also gotten some positive feedback. However, I don’t feel that I’m accomplishing my mission. While entertaining everyone is a noble deed in and of itself, I still hope to do more. So to get the cyber ball rolling, this fictional geek is going to come up with some fictional people asking my advice, and I will dispense such gems of factual wisdom that all of you, my faithful readers, will jump at the chance to ask your own questions.


Dear Internet Geek,

I know you in real life, and you’re so different on this blog – why is that? ~ J from Somersworth

Dear J (almost slipped and called you “John” *wink*),

As I mentioned in my “About” section, I’m fictionalizing this so my family and friends will still speak to me. There is the real person that you know who is writing this, but I’m using the identity of Internet Geek to allow me the freedom to write from the perspective of other geeks I’ve met along the way. If you promise not to tell anyone, I was partially inspired by the web serial, “The Diary of V“, that appeared on the Redbook website a few years ago. For the longest time, no one knew who “V” was… then it was gradually revealed that V was a fictional person written by the now successful Debra Kent. Think of this Internet Geek persona as my alter-ego… or my first step towards needing a room at the Pavilion.


Dear Internet Geek,

Okay, if you’re so good at finding things on the internet, there was this guy in Lord of the Rings named Martin something-or-other, and I’d swear he was also in the series, “Xena: Warrior Princess” but I can’t for the life of me remember who he played. ~ G from Dover

Dear G,

I love trivia questions like this! For the answer, I turned to my beloved Internet Movie Database (IMDb for short). A quick search of Lord of the Rings reveals that your guy’s name is Marton Csokas, and he did indeed play two characters on Xena – Khrafstar and Borias. He’s also done numerous guest appearances on other shows such as BeastMaster, Cleopatra 2525, and the sorely missed Farscape.


Dear Internet Geek,

I got this awesome email from the woman who used to baby-sit for my next door neighbor’s brother’s kids. It says that if I forward it to 30 of my closest friends, then Bill Gates will send me money! Can I get your email address so I can get you in on this? ~T from Rochester

Dear T,

Thank you so much for thinking of me, but I’ll pass. According to my favorite myth debunker, variations of this email have been floating around the ‘net since 1997. In all that time, no one has received:

~ any money from Bill Gates, Microsoft, or AOL
~ gift certificates from Applebees, Old Navy, or Outback Steakhouse
~ free cars, clothes, or champagne

However, go right ahead and forward that snopes link to everyone in your address book. I doubt it will change anything, but if there’s the chance that even one person will think twice before clicking “Forward” on the latest gas boycott, it will be worth it.


Now it’s your turn – please feel free to pass along your cyber conundrums either in the comment section, or by email and I will do my best to help you surf to your solutions.

~ I.G.

(Comments from original posting on

Dear IG,

What’s the answer to Life, The Universe, and Everything?

Manny from Orlando
Posted by: Manny at September 12, 2005 01:02 PM

Dear Manny from Orlando,

The answer is 42, of course. Glad to help.

Posted by: InternetGeek at September 12, 2005 01:10 PM

Dear Internet Geek

Your wisdom is well known throughout the internet, but can you guess my password πŸ™‚

athens from Scotland
Posted by: athens at September 12, 2005 02:04 PM

Dear athens from Scotland,

Yes, I could guess your password very easily, but I promised to use my powers only for good. Besides, I wouldn’t want Nigerian royalty to get ahold of it – no teling what they’d do. ; )

~ I.G.
Posted by: InternetGeek at September 12, 2005 02:31 PM

Dear IG,

Long time reader, first time caller. Nice to meet you;)

I’ve heard rumours you’re planning to tender a treatment of this blog to Steven Spielberg who will be making his first sitcom from your material. Can i play a character?

(IMHO, he isn’t worthy of your talents. He’s a bigger butcher than Albert Fish loose in a Preschool.)

Heart, A devoted fan.
Posted by: ashlan at September 12, 2005 08:07 PM

Have you ever had to deal with an obnoxios girl that talks to much and just babbles endlessly about the stupidest things that you could really give a flying rat’s butt about in the first place ?
Posted by: SurferGirl at September 13, 2005 02:02 AM

Dear devoted fan,

Rumors of my deal with Spielberg have been greatly exaggerated. Rob Reiner, on the other hand… *wink*

Seriously, if Hollywood ever comes knocking, I’ll tell you where to send your head shot and resume. Are your sure the commute from down under won’t be a problem?
Posted by: InternetGeek at September 13, 2005 11:40 AM

I wonder if you can tell me if there is any good reason why the medical professionals in the United States have seen fit not to allow labouring women the use of nitrous oxide when we in the rest of the world use it regularly and mostly give birth with no other type of anaesthesia?


Not getting pregnant over here!

Jo from CT
Posted by: Jo at September 13, 2005 12:37 PM

Dear SurferGirl,

Yes, I’ve encountered many people like that during my years online. Luckily there are people out there with natural exuberance who make up for it (yes, I’m talking about you, silly girl! *grin*).
Posted by: InternetGeek at September 13, 2005 01:08 PM

Dear Jo from CT,

In my experience, medical professionals in the US tend to change their policies frequently, often varying according to the preference of the doctor in charge. Expectant parents are advised to “shop around” to find the birth that they want, as the options range from at home births (never leave the comfort of your bed!) to full out doctors-in-HazMed-suits (treat birth like an illness that needs to be cured!). So should your circumstances change and little Miss or Master decides to arrive ahead of schedule, I bet you could find someone to accomodate your request.

That being said, there have been studies done in the British Medical Journal that showed when nitrous oxide was given to the mother, “the child was five and one-half times more likely to become an amphetamine addict than a brother or sister born to the same parents.” (cited at FindArticles). Just FYI (For Your Information). (EDIT on February 23, 2008 to apologize again to Jo for freakin’ her out – sorry, dear!)
Posted by: InternetGeek at September 13, 2005 01:55 PM

Dear IG,

I used to spend hours looking at websites online, but recently can’t find anything to hold my interest for very long. Do you recommend any websites besides Red vs Blue? The geekier the better. πŸ˜‰

Matt from RvB
Posted by: TheSwmnCello at September 14, 2005 10:43 AM

Dear Matt from RvB,

If you can handle delayed gratification, I will make this the topic of one of my next entries. I’ll post some of my favorites, and see if I can get others to chime in with theirs as well.

Posted by: InternetGeek at September 14, 2005 12:14 PM

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