This might be the week I start to get some answers! Which is good, because my visit to the oncologist actually left me with more questions, specifically about Lumpy. But I’m getting a bit ahead of myself – first, a little update on all the fun since last Monday.
Previously on “The Adventures of Lumpy & Leaky”
When we last saw our Dynamic DD Duo, Lumpy was in the clear, and I was waiting for a call from the hospital to schedule an excisional biopsy for Leaky. I’d had blood drawn, hoping to get to the bottom of my ongoing low grade fever, and was a few days away from an consult with an oncologist.
Quick! To the Bat Phone!
The beginning of last week was filled with phone calls. The nurse navigator called from the oncologist’s office with some preliminary questions, and said it would take about ten minutes to go through them. Because of my apparent allergy to answering with a simple yes or no, it was more like ten hours. And because the more stressed out I become, the worse my jokes get, the poor woman was subjected to moments like this –
Her – “Do you work outside the home?”
Me – “No, I’m a stay-at-home homeschooling mom.”
Her – A few more questions, then “Do you drink alcohol?”
Me – “Did I mention I homeschool our kids?”
The nurse from my PC’s office called early Tuesday morning, and said all the results of my blood test were normal. Blood sugar, iron, prolactin, thyroid, and a handful of other things (can’t remember the list, but she’s mailing the report to me) are all within normal parameters. It’s awesome and frustrating news, all at the same time. But these normal results do help me feel a bit more confident that there’s a simple, non-sinister explanation for this.
Got the call
The hospital scheduling department also called Tuesday morning to set up the biopsy. The wicked nice and extremely patient woman asked me if I’d discussed any preferred times with my surgeon. I told her yes, and she said, “Great! When would you like to have the surgery done?” I answered, “Two months ago.”
Luckily, she laughed, and said she’d find me the first available spot. Since I’d been told before it might take a few weeks to get in, I almost fell over when she asked, “How does next week work for you?”
A nice place to visit.
Bright and early Wednesday morning, hubby and I headed to see the oncologist. I was honestly feeling a bit silly about going, since I don’t have a diagnosis, and I figured it would be a quick in and out consult.
Just walking in to the place, knowing it was a cancer center, felt surreal. Instead of a typical waiting room, this one had comfy seats, some of which reclined, and two separate areas – one more traditional, and one with a television, fridge, snack bar, and multiple little areas to sit. The woman who checked me in somehow turned the process of reviewing insurance information into a conversation about our kidlet’s names, and it felt like having coffee with a new old friend. By the time all was said and done, I think we’d been offered snacks and drinks more often than a visit to my friend’s Italian nonna!
And for simplicity’s sake, since I’m now up to three doctors, I’m going to start referring to them as my PC (primary care doc), Dr A. (the general surgeon who was first on the case) and Dr B. (the oncologist).
Another day, another doctor.
After the wicked wonderful nurse (who was the same poor person who had to deal with me for the telephone questionnaire) brought us to the room and got us situated, Dr B. arrived. Straight off, I stopped feeling silly about being there – she immediately put me at ease, and in no time flat, we were joking about my interesting case and wondering if I could score a spot on Mystery Diagnosis (a dear local friend joked about the same thing a few days later – great minds!).
Then she got down to business, and started talking about having the biopsy done on Lumpy. After a moment, I interrupted her to clarify it was Leaky who was going under the knife. Long story short, she was confused because while Lumpy’s biopsy (which she gave me a copy of) was benign, it showed sclerosing adenosis surrounding the fibroadenoma (say that 3 times fast!). She thinks it should be biopsied at the same time as Leaky, so Lumpy doesn’t feel left out and decide to act up (not her words, but I’m sure that’s what she meant). She’s going to talk to Dr A, and will call me early in the week to let me know what they decide.
She had me lay down on the table to do a quick exam, but before my head made it halfway down, my eyes went a bit wonky as my vertigo kicked in. Nothing like needing to have two people slowly lowering you to a table (with a concerned husband standing by) to make you feel a thousand years old, but it passed quickly. And finally, 52 days after I discovered the bloody discharge, someone asked to take a culture! I’ll spare you the details of the process, but suffice to say it involved a great deal of joking around by all of us.
Beyond wanting Lumpy biopsied, she also suggested I invite myself to my mother’s genetic testing referral in a couple of months. She said it would be a great way to ask questions and get information before scheduling my own. She also said to keep in mind (not that she was recommending it) that there are treatments for breast cancer prevention (like Tamoxifen) that we could explore if I wanted to down the road. She’s also setting me up with a referral to a dermatologist, since there’s a family history of skin cancer, and I’m typically a whiter shade of pale. I left with a big binder full of information and business cards – they said I didn’t have to take it if I didn’t want to, but I figure, the more you know…
Coming up on the next episode of “WTF Is Going On?”
The rest of the week was spent watching hubby and the kidlets (primarily the eldest) install a new-to-us bathroom cabinet (someone bought it, installed it, changed their mind, and re-boxed it before leaving it curbside down the street from us with a note saying, “Free to a good home”), and replace the sink (the landlord bought a new one for us and we said we’d put it in… almost 5 years ago…).
Now I’m waiting for phone calls about –
~ the bloody discharge culture results
~ the dermatologist, to set up an appointment
~ the hospital with pre-surgical instructions
~ Dr A or B, with their decision on Lumpy
~ the hospital the night before, with my surgery time
In the meantime, I’m trying to behave and eat healthy. For example, at lunch, I drizzle a little hemp seed oil on some whole grain bread, then spread it with some with Teddy’s peanut butter and sprinkle it with a generous helping of hulled hemp seed. But then I top it off with Nutella, because… wait, it’s Nutella. It doesn’t need a reason.
There’s less than a handful of days to go before my surgery, but in a
hideous hilarious bit of a bad timing bookend, since it happens just before Labor Day (much like I made the discovery over the 4th of July weekend), Dr B is guesstimating I won’t hear any results until the middle of next week. So, yay.
“Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is?
Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.” ~ Melissa S. Ford, Stirrup Queens
I have fingers crossed for you that it all goes well, Traci, and that you get some good news Xx
Thanks so much, Helen!
^5 for that brave reporting and facing! ps you don’t have to wear the word or the feeling brave, sometimes i say….shaking like i’m using a jack hammer WE are not alone! (runs before you kick me in the shins)
LMAO! Thanks, Elisa! And no worries – I’d get dizzy and fall over before I could kick you in the shins. 😉 😀
hope everything goes well!
Thanks so much! 😀
Great things are moving…hope everything goes well!
Thanks, Clare! ❤️
Fred and I will be thinkuming good thoughts for you, Traci!
Wicked awesome, thinky! Thanks & hugs to you both (oh, and Cyril says hello). ❤️ ❤️
The doctors seem to be taking great care of you Traci and you’re definitely on the road to finding and sorting out the problem. As always, my thoughts are with you ❤️
I’ve gotten so amazingly lucky with the doctors, Noelle – they’ve been completely fabulous to me. And thanks so much! ❤️
It never ends, does it? We also see different doctors. There were two new ones last week, whose names I didn’t catch, and we’ll probably never see them again.
It’s encouraging that your results are normal so far.
Ugh – like things weren’t stressful enough, April. I hope things quiet down on the medical front for your family in the very near future.
Okay, this feels wrong to say but I’m going to say it: I’m so sorry you have to deal with this but I LOVE your posts about it. They’re funny and engaging and oh-so-very-true. Real life but in full technicolor.
I’m crossing fingers and toes for the “boobs all clear” post hopefully waiting just around the corner.
LMAO! When the time comes, I just might have to use “ATTENTION – boobs all clear” as my post title! 😀
I was telling someone recently that writing these posts has been a sanity-saver for me, even though in the beginning, I worried my “humor in a time of crisis” type attitude might come across poorly. Thank you for making me feel so much better about sharing my ongoing saga with the world! ❤️
I’m hoping everything turns out well, Traci! Big hugs!
Thank you, Shinjini! ❤️
I agree with Angela. I’m weirdly enjoying your posts about Lumpy & Leaky. I am equally so sorry you’re going through all this too. Sending more vodka your way! Xxxx
You ROCK, Hayley! ❤️
Hugs, Traci. Hope everything goes well.
My sister is a survivor. It’s been more than 5 years now.
That’s awesome, Shail! So happy to hear your sister beat it. Thanks so much for the hugs!
Wishing you the best. Sending big hugs your way.
Thanks, GC! Too bad you couldn’t email me some blueberry muffins (https://geekycooker.com/2017/07/17/blueberry-muffins/) or that Chocolate Chip Pecan Pie with Kahlua Cream (https://geekycooker.com/2014/12/03/chocolate-chip-pecan-pie-with-kahlua-cream/)! 😀 ❤️
All my good vibes, Traci. Write a book when this is over. <3
LOL! Thanks Lorna – both for the vibes and the suggestion. 😀
I am hoping that this goes well. I am thinking good thoughts for you.
Thanks, Pamela! Still sending good f**king basket… I mean, good publishing contract vibes your way!
First of all. It seems as though everything is falling into place, everything is getting attention, and hopefully you’ll have your answers very soon. Hoping for the very best results. xoxo
Also, I had no idea you are a homeschooling mama! I’m one too!!! And, yes, sometimes a little alcohol is needed, ha! But, I have to say that I love homeschooling. I never imagined I would have taken this path, but my whole family is adoring where we are right now.
Thanks for all the updates. You are in my thoughts!
Wow, Erin – how did I miss that you homeschool too? Wicked coolness! And yes, while we’d planned to homeschool the kidlets for the first few grades,we never anticipated, all these years later (youngest is seventeen) we’d still be doing it. It’s been an amazing journey, and I’m so happy to hear your family is adoring your own.Appreciate all your good thoughts!
Oh Traci ! Hoping yoy get answers soon!!@
Thank you, lovely Ritu! ❤️
Thoughts and best wishes do out to you Traci…I’m sure you’ll kick Lumpy and Leaky’s asses whatever the outcome xx
Thanks so much, Emmalene! Yep, that’s the plan. 😀
My dear Traci, I’m continuing to send tons and tons of healing energy to you!! I’m thinking about you!! Big hugs, Cher <3 <3 xo
Awesomeness, Cher! Thank you so much for everything! ❤️❤️❤️
Oy. Thinking of you this week and sending you lots of good thoughts this week.
Oy pretty much covers it, Lori. Thanks so much! 😀
My fingers and toes are crossed hoping you get some answer soon!
Thank you, Lisa!
Glad you are getting the biopsys done this week but dang that holiday to delay your results! Praying for the best possible news next week, Traci. It’s time for Lumpy and Leaky to settle down and let you get back to a normal life!
Oh, you are so right, Molly! L&L need to stop being such drama queens pronto! Thanks so much for the prayers – they are greatly appreciated!
I hope that all goes well with the surgery and that you get some good news next week!!!
Thank you, Judy!
Lots of hugs dear..
Thanks, Shilpa! Hope all is well with you!
Yes all is well just busy with my daily life .. will be back to blogging soon.
Jeezum, what an ordeal! I hope you get answers soon (gargh to the Labor Day timing…) and can put things to rest. You crack me up with your answers to the questions and scheduling stuff…it’s always interesting when people don’t quite know what to do with your answers! Crossing all my crossables that you are nearing an end with good news with Lumpy and Leaky.
Yeah, ordeal is one word for it, Jess – LOL! Thanks for the encouragement and all the crossing! *hugs*
It sounds like you are in the right hands and I hope that at least takes some of the pressure off you. It’s such a long process, but it feels like they’re doing it right and taking all the proper steps. I’ll be relieved for you when you get all the answers. I can well imagine you’re very much looking forward to that time too. Hang in there, sistah! And, the nutella is a great idea cause, hellooooooo, nutella!
Thanks, Christine! I feel extremely fortunate to have such amazing (and highly recommended by a dear friend) medical people tending to me. I’m counting the seconds the Universe finally spills the punch line (and I keep telling myself it’s going to be a non-sinister, hilarious conclusion – you hear that, Universe?). Thanks so much for your continued encouragement, and a big, “hell ya!” to nutella!
I hope everything goes well with your surgery! I know it’s a totally serious situation, but you’re so hilarious!
Aww, thanks so much, Risa! I figure hilarious is better than hysteria any day (not that I’m not doing my fair share of that behind my keyboard…LOL).
Sending you hugs, Tracy! I hate that you’re going through this, but I hope the surgery goes well!
Thanks, Juli! Hugs are awesome!
Ye Gods Traci, how on earth do you get time to blog and social media with all that going on? I’ve still got a #MondayBlogs to RT and thank you for… My thumb is frivolous compared to all this! Love to be a fly on the wall with your humerous approach though. I bet half the staff can’t quite figure you out. Mind you, I suspect most folk going in are ashen and terribly Google MD’d out. PMA is essential though. Not sure about hemp seed oil though, I used to use it in my carp fishing spod mix. Really didn’t gel with the aroma at all….except carp love it so…tolerated!
Or…do I have a health food allergy? Hmm….must google it.
Still, after the waiting game…which has its own mental anguished and paranoia anxiety bombs…this sounds like we are cutting to the chase now. I really hope it all goes smoothly and fingers crossed for the test too. Have to ask…how are you coping….REALLY? X
LOL! Thanks so much, Gary. How I’m really doing depends on the moment. I have long stretches of being distracted (hence, the social media and blog activity), with random moments of the tiny voice in my head yellling, “DOOM & GLOOM! DOOOOOOM & GLOOOOOOOM!” And thanks so much for the well wishes – they are greatly appreciated!
Ah, yes. I can associate with distraction stretches. Not quite the same, but for me it’s a way to avoid anxiety and mood drops. I can imagine anxiety rippling through you though with all this going on! Not to mention the twisty warping all that waiting and unknown can do. Really hope you get some answers soon so know this….I am thinking of you 🙂
Thanks, dearest Gary. *hugs*
Hi Traci, I am hoping to see ” Attention Boobs All Clear” explicit photo follows!
As I am sure your Mum would understand… Not that I am desperate to view your breasts but what an ending to a horrible time. Xx luck from me.
I’m working on what kind of photo I can post for the all clear, and love your suggestion, Ellen! At this point, I think my mom only cares about getting the all clear, and she’d forgive me most anything…which I swear I won’t take advantage of… much… LOL! Thanks so much for the luck as well!