Small step in front of the camera, big step out of my comfort zone

Back in December, when I first started to really get Steemin‘ along, I decided to share a series of posts I’d written for my WordPress blog (much to the delight of Steemit’s cuddly kitty bot), detailing my breast cancer scare saga that began in July 2017. I then posted a breakdown of my body’s breakdown, detailing my ongoing mystery ailment (followed by February’s the somewhat NSFW entry, Paging Doctor Gregory House! Is there a Dr House in the house?).

For weeks, I’ve been whining talking about my mystery illness, threatening promising to share a huge update on every bit of minutia that’s happened over the past few months. But then I thought – if a picture is worth a thousand words, and my posts tend to run in the one million range, maybe a short video would be more efficient.

And since being in front of a camera, let alone a video camera, is waaaay out of my comfort zone (even when I’m feeling good), I decided to tag this with @topkpop‘s #nocomfortzone challenge (so glad I bookmarked it back when @thekittygirl did hers back a couple months ago!).

So, a little bit of backstory – after the cancer scare (and related surgical procedures), my body has been doing weird things. A slight tremor in my right leg spread to my right hand, then increased in intensity and reach. At the same time, I had varying amounts of full body pain – at one point, I described it as feeling like my body was slowly imploding. The chest pain was so bad at one point in October, I headed to the ER, thinking it was a heart attack. If it weren’t for all the subsequent tests showing my heart is fine, I’d probably have headed there again at least a half dozen times since.

To add insult to injury, I’ve gained over 40lbs/3stone since August (a couple of months after I started taking an anti-depressant). While I’ve never been skinny, I’ve also never been tall, and having that much extra on my 5 foot 3 inch frame is also causing its own issues. While I stopped taking the med at the beginning of March, my weight only recently stopped climbing, and now I’m hoping it will start to come off (I had a similar situation back in the early 00s when I was on meds for my postpartum depression/anxiety).

As for a diagnosis, after about a BAZILLION tests and medical visits, all we know is that they’re pretty sure it’s not Lupus, Multiple Sclerosis, or Parkinson’s disease. My next visit will be with a rheumatologist, but instead of going to someone local, my PC is sending me back down to the Lahey Clinic. At my appointment this past Friday, she said (which was both terrifying and reassuring) something to the effect of, “if I send you to anyone around here, they’re just going to say it’s obviously Fibromyalgia, and treat it as such. On the off chance it’s something different, I want you to be seen by a team who will explore all the possibilities.”

Okay, enough stalling (and so much for not using a million words…LOL!). Here’s a wicked short video my hubby took of me yesterday. It’s actually the second take, because he stopped recording the first time when I started talking – he thought I was talking to him, thinking he’d stopped recording…LOL. Silly man – like I could go without talking for more than 10 seconds at a time!

Yes, I’m wearing my pjs, because the aforementioned weight gain means that most of my clothes don’t fit anymore. And I swear I’m not fishing for compliments when I say this – I’m just stating a fact. I don’t look like me. I’m puffy, pale (even more so than usual), and overweight. The zombie-like shuffle step is the result of a combo of leg pain and shaking. But at least I still have my sense of humor! 😜

And as I alluded to in the video, this is a moderate amount of shaking – the day before it was much worse (to the extent that people were staring at me in the grocery store), and today it’s a bit better. I’m hoping I can follow this up in a few months with a short video showing how much I’ve improved after we finally figure out what’s going on.

Oh, and before anyone asks – yes, I’m exercising, eating better than I ever have (other than my pregnancies), drinking tons of water, and taking supplements. I’ve also had some success with CBD oil and Kratom in lessening/stopping the pain and shaking. Now it’s up to my body to realize that I’m doing everything right, and it needs to start behaving! 😜

big step out of my comfort zone

Also posted on my Steemit Blog
Blog graphics: created on Canva

big step out of my comfort zone. Just wanted to let everyone know why this site looks a bit different at the moment. As some of you are aware, for months now I’ve had issues with the site going down, lagging, and other such shenanigans. Now my hosting company is suggesting that I spend more time optimizing, because the said “the amount of traffic and the elements within your site it appears that this causing the memory limits to be exceeded on your site.” For the moment, I’m stripping the site down to the bare bones, and seeing if that helps. In a Success! Finally, it has turned. Success! big step out of my comfort zone. Finally, it has turned. Success! Please pardon the mess. First, this is not a passive voice. Next, I am writing in an active voice. Therefore, my SEO will stop telling me how to write. Please pardon the mess. Furthermore, these sentences are also shorter than twenty word. Please pardon the mess. Rather, stop being so controlling. Full Pink Moon, big step out of my comfort zone. I will keep going while until you turn green. I can’t believe this is still orange. First, this is not a passive voice. Next, I am writing in an active voice. Therefore, my SEO will stop telling me how to write. Furthermore, these sentences are also shorter than twenty words. Rather, stop being so controlling. I will keep going while until you turn green. Finally, it has turned. Success! Finally, it has turned. Success! big step out of my comfort zone.

10 comments

  1. I pray that you get answers soon, Traci! Sending hugs and support. Thanks so much for sharing your journey.

  2. I am honored to know such an amazingly powerful woman. (that’s you in case you weren’t sure 😉 ) With all the crap you have been going through, if it were me, there would be a 24/7 pity party going on not to mention I would have become a full on recluse as well. None the less, I am sending you my virtual support and some healing energy.

  3. Anyone who assumes that your physical appearance is somehow due to you not taking control of your health needs to be smacked. I sincerely hope that this pending appointment leads to answers and a road forward. Because how insanely frustrating.

    Thank you to being so brave to share this video. I know you don’t feel like you, but it’s non the less powerful and beautiful.

  4. Traci, my heart goes out to you! But hopefully you’ll get somewhere with the rheumatologist. You’re a such a fab person, you deserve to be enjoying your life to the fullest x

  5. Brave, glorious friend: your humor inspires me. You had me at, “any other tricks that I’d do?”
    I totally get how weird it must feel to be a alien in your own body. But, I can honestly feel your husbands love for you as he chuckles at you while taking the video. These are gorgeous bits in a sea of totally weird. Medical science—could you please get off your arses and figure out what’s up with my friend Traci?

Feel free to shout out!