Before I get to my shots of the moon and such, I wanted to start off with a little bit about #SteemTron. It’s been a crazy couple of days in the cryptosphere, thanks to an announcement by Justin Sun (Tron) and Ned Scott (Steemit) saying Sun (if I’m understanding it correctly) bought the Steemit app & Ned’s Steem holdings (and thanks to @acidyo for pointing out that article over on Twitter). While it’s still not clear if this is a collab, a merger, or hostile takeover, after spending many hours on DL*ve (still can’t bring myself to say the actual name) and Discord, listening to something like three or four hundred people talking about it, then spending even more time on Twitter talking to #Tron & #Steem people alike, I can safely say that I am very
confused confident that we can find a positive way forward from this (somewhat) unexpected turn of events. If nothing else, I’ve “talked” more in cyberspace during the past forty-eight hours than I have total in the past couple of weeks! I’ll take it as a sign that the Black Dog might be getting tired of barking at me… “for now”… 😂 😜
As to my shots & thoughts, I have to say I was feeling a bit lost as to how to approach this. I have a bunch of pictures of the latest full moon, as it rose behind the ice covered tress in our New Hampshire backyard. I also wanted to share some more thoughts after my last post about my recurrent depression. I couldn’t decide which to do first! Then I saw this post called Wednesday Walkabout by the ever lovely @dswigle and thought, “Perfect! I’ll just copy Denise, and drop my thoughts in between shots!” So thank you very much for the inadvertent (though unsurprising as you are always a bright light on the Steem platform) inspiration, dear lady!
I’m definitely starting to feel better. While I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve been vigilant on my usual ways of dealing with it (upped my daily Vit D dose, started drinking extra water, pushing myself to focus on smaller achievable tasks instead of being overwhelmed by ALL THE THINGS!), or if it’s just naturally cycling through as it eventually does. In the grand scheme of things, it really doesn’t matter, and I’m just happy that it seems the corner has been turned.
Might sound funny to say, but I think I’m the happiest sad person ever, which is another reason why I’m trying to emphasize that (for me, anyway) depression isn’t just about being sad. For example, since hubby hurt his shoulder in August (followed by surgery in October), we’ve had multiple challenges come our way. However, just when we started getting a good handle on how to resolve things, and I was encouraged by how much better things are for us now compared to other times we’ve had issues – that’s when the Black Dog started barking the loudest. That’s not to say I’m always all sunshine and kittens – I spend
far too much a great deal of time visiting Everythingsuckslandia as a general rule, but I try to at least smile as I gripe. 😂
When my depression hits, my brain feels like it’s sleeping under a weighted blanket, and my thoughts are like quicksilver – disappearing almost as fast as they come. For instance, when I did my contest post for @yourtop3 Holiday Movies in December, according to WordPress I made 15 revisions before posting. In January, for the Top 3 Favorite Authors post, it was a brain-hurty 45 revisions! Then last week for February’s Top 3 Date Night Ideas, it was back down to 14.
Another way I can tell I’m not firing on all cylinders (so to speak) is related to taking pictures. During the times I’m not wrapped in my dark twin’s embrace, when I’m outside taking pictures of (for example) the moon, I easily take between a hundred to two hundred shots, and have no trouble sorting through for the best of them. If I even manage to get up the gumption to go outside with my camera when depressed, I’ll end up only taking around fifty or sixty, then I’m too overwhelmed to sort through them.
While, as I’ve said before, there’s obviously an emotional component to it, it’s also physical. I might be outside with my camera, enjoying the moonlight, and when it’s time to wander back in I truly don’t feel like I have the energy to walk all the way across our relatively small yard. I’ve been known to try to pep talk my brain into letting my body move towards the house like, “Okay legs, if you want to rest on the couch then you need to cover that itty bitty little bit of distance, then you can be as lazy as you want! Brain, if you want to enjoy the warming comfort that is vodka, you’ll need to get us inside to reach the cabinet where it lives!”
Speaking of alcohol, yes I actually do try to stay away from it when the dog is barking, and even just in general since my Essential Tremor diagnosis. While a drink or
five two helps with my pain and usually calms my shaking down, it can also rebound and make things worse, as well as adding to the energy drain from depression. And after being on & off the chemical merry-go-round a few times since my initial diagnosis in 2001, I’d also like to go on record as saying I’m not a big fan of medicating for depression. I’m also not a fan of refusing meds for depression. However, I’m definitely on the side of doing what’s necessary and right for you (since everyone’s brain chemistry is SO vastly different!) to make it through to the other side. Listen to your gut, and act accordingly is the best advice I could give for dealing with this.
Last, but not least – I created a new infographic for my Tarot Tuesday post on February 4th, and thought it would also work well as a note to end this post on.
I found this quote by Victoria Erickson (from her book Rhythms and Roads) on social media, and given that I’ve been struggling with The Black Dog recently, it really resonated with me. I decided to turn it into a quoto for this week’s spacer, using one of the first Full Moon photos I took with my (then) new Nikon back in February 2016.
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